10 am Sunday morning and I get 7 missed calls from my mom. I wake up and panic, 7 missed calls including 3 video calls- I hope everything is fine back home.
“Mom- Good morning, is everything ok?”
“Good morning?!? It’s good afternoon!”
“Ma it’s 10 am here & 8.30 am in India – so technically it’s morning, anyway, is everything OK?”
“Why do you wake up so late? You have wasted half your day and my day also”
“It’s Sunday, mom!! Wasted your day? Are you fine? Is Dad ok?”
“Ok tell me one thing – how do you upload a video on Facebook?”
“MOM, ARE YOU SERIOUS, 7 calls for this?!?
My mom is super adorable, super sensitive, super sweet, superwoman, and we share a great rapport. We are buddies (now). But let’s face it, when I was a kid, my mom and I did drive each other INSANE. We would argue about everything; starting from how eating vegetables is slowly killing me, to the ‘inappropriate’ length of my skirt, the ‘inappropriate’ length of my friend’s skirt, my attitude, my messy room, and 1000 other irrelevant things. Yeah! I was a super annoying kid.
We all know that our mom’s have/use different “ways” to ensure we DO clean our room and eat the DAMN veggies. Let me elaborate on the top 5 of these. Ready to relate? Let’s go!
- The “Death Stare” – That STARE, that LOOK – that scary, chilling, hair-raising, ‘I am going to destroy you’ look. Have you ever noticed that 80% of the communication that happens during an argument with your mom is through her facial expressions, and we all know there are very few things scarier than your mom giving you THAT LOOK. In fact, I don’t think there is anything scarier than that.
- The “Comparisons” – I don’t think any of us have or could escape this. It’s like my mom had an entire database of kids who were better than me in EVERYTHING. Especially when it was regarding my scores in school, I was always asked as to why my so-called friend scored higher than me. Who cares right? Well, my mom cared and she ensured that I cared too. (Anyway by the end of the term I had become so good at making stories, that invariably I always scored higher than my so-called friend. As per me she not only failed but also had a boyfriend #devillaugh)
- The “Guilt Trip” – We all have been there. No matter what the topic of conversation was, she would invariably take you on a trip to GUILT land, and there was no going back.
- The “Throwback” – It might be Monday or Tuesday, but that won’t stop your mom from dropping a #TBT (throwback Thursday) in the middle of your argument. It’s just not an argument if she doesn’t talk about her past – her childhood days. Why, because she is better than you, her life was tough unlike yours, you little-spoilt brat born with a silver spoon.
- Now, if none of the above worked, then she would use her other ‘techniques’ to discipline me. If you are thinking that I would be grounded or asked to go to my room or no TV for a week- Nope! You see these options were non-existent, or rather ignored during that era of parenting, at least in my house. Let’s say my mom believed that “ACTIONS” (with props available at an arm’s distance) was a better and a faster way to discipline me.
Irony of the situation: her first gift to me was a book on Gentle Parenting 😑
Also, whenever I made a good point and my mom could think of nothing as a comeback she used to play her trump card and walk off. “Just wait until you have kids of your own, then you will understand.”
Fast forward to today, my 4-year-old has just finished scribbling on his face. We have to leave for his school in 10 minutes and I am trying to stay calm.
“Mommy look – I am a zebra”
Yes, now I DO understand what it feels like to have MY OWN DAMN KID!!